If i come over, it means nothing
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize