I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
