I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
