It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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