He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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