She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
