wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
