i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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