Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
