the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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