So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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