Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
