Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
