I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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