I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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