Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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