that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
