There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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