Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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