Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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