I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
