How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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