What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
