we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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