Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
