From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
