Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
