Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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