From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
