I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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