you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
