I'm going to jail i love you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
