guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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