This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
