I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
