Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
