What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
