1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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