i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
