She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
