There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
