Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize