I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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