I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
