Ketchup is God's man juice
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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