i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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