do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
