Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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