if i can run in heels then i can drive
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
