make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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