You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
