This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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