Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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