Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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