I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
