Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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