Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
