Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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