Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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