i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
