I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Are we still banned from the library?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
