about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize