Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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