evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
