yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
