did you get engaged???
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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