just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
