The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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