I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
