My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I want a musical about memes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
