You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
