I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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