we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
