Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
