I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
