Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They have beer where we have blood.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize