nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
