Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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