I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
