I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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