how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
