I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love accidental penises.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
