eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
